Friday, September 20, 2002

Put Your Head Between Your Legs and Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

How can we be thinking about things as petty as world politics at a time like this. Don't you know the universe is going to end? I mean, what's the point. We're all screwed anyways. We're all wasting what precious little time we have left. Can't you see? Tell your families you love them for it will all be over soon. There's nothing we can do. We are doomed!!!

Oh.. what? 10 to 20 billion years? Oh. Guess I should have read the article. Please disreguard the preceding post.

Thank you.
I Declare Canada Under Quarantine!

In this story a lawyer got his clients out of nudity charges because they were "wearing shoes" and one had "sort of a codpiece on". These seven men were marching in a gay pride parade in Toronto. This coupled with the Canadian propensity to bash America has led me to believe that Saddam Hussein has dropped some type of retardity chemical into their water supply. I would advise everyone to stay clear of Canada until such a time as they start loving America and wearing clothes like all good humans should.
Pleasantly Surprised

When I heard that a homeless man had a Weblog I was cynical about the intent and quality. Shame on me. I imagined a log of how unlucky he was and how unfair the world is. I imagined constant reminders about what he was owed and why everyone should feel guilty. Shame on me. While browsing my usual sites (thanks to Iain Murray of The Edge of England's Sword for the link) I found a link to this post on his site. Here is an excerpt:
Why do they beg or panhandle? Drugs. It sounds too easy to be true. Sorry, it's all about the Drugs. Even when they are honestly asking for help with food, or their electric bill, or diapers, it's because they've spent all their money on Drugs, (which includes alcohol and cigarettes). At first, giving food may seem like a good alternative to giving money, but that only allows them to save their money for Drugs. Drugs, Drugs, Drugs - I can't say it enough. When you give money to these guys, and girls, you are supporting their life destroying addictions.
and this:
Just remember that Beggars and Panhandlers are a small minority of the entire homeless population, and you should not judge all homeless people by these bad examples. If a person comes to you for a job, appears clean and sober and capable, though you may suspect he's homeless, don't press the issue. Hire the man. You could just be the break this guys been needing.
This has led me to make some observations.

The first is something I've done and I would imagine many others have as well. Often when a beggar approaches me for money, he'll ask if I have a quarter. I lie and say no. I lie because I don't want to give a drug addict the money I work hard for. I wish I generally had the moral courage to just tell him he couldn't have it. I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on that.

On to the second thought. Shame on me for assuming that all homeless people are the same. Shame on me for assuming that they are all looking for a handout. I would like to thank The Homeless Guy for this insight and I plan on checking him out regularly in the future.

Free Advice: You Get What You Pay For

My friend shared a humorous event from his work day with me yesterday. Like usual, he was outside work smoking a cigarette before work. A woman who works with him a disapproving look as she walked by into the building. After finishing his cigarette, he walked inside and began to get ready to work (he works screening plasma and needs to don all manner of protective paraphenalia including goggles and gloves). The woman was there as well as several other coworkers all doing the same.

"You shouldn't smoke, you know. It's bad for you," she said as if she was Prometheus giving fire to an ignorant caveman. The other coworkers looked on in interest.

His response was perfect and very important in todays world, "You shouldn't give unsolicited advice, it makes you look like a know-it-all." The coworkers laughed and the woman got flustered and that was that.

This is one of those events that reminds me of the greatness of this country. One of the reasons I love to live here and am glad that fortune placed me here and now instead of any other place or time in history. I am truly blessed. This country loves individuality, but not only that, it protects it. It is a right. I think this freedom is one of our greatest. If I want to smoke, I can. If I want to get sloshed on the weekend, I can. I can do any number of things that aren't advisable because we have the right to make our own choices. Even if the whole world is against us, we can always go it alone.

I think the President of this country needs to learn a lesson from this story. When other nations start lecturing us on what we are doing, we need to tell them that their advise is not wanted. No matter how hard I find it to believe, the European nations could be right. I doubt it, but it doesn't matter. It is none of their business. It is our business. We make our own choices. We have our own reasons. If they don't like it, don't help. But we never asked you what you thought. We have a job to do and we are going to do it. If you disagree, fine. Just sit back and be quiet in the peaceful prosperity that our previous actions allowed you to have.

"Unsolicited advice makes you look like a know-it-all." If you are a nation, it makes you look desperate for control of a world you are no longer an important part of. You've had your time Europe and you had a chance to be decisive in this. You passed on it and now the world is going to pass you by. America no longer needs you. We don't need advice.

Germany Needs Another Ass-Whuppin!

Stories like this and this make me think Germany is well overdue for another good old-fashioned ass kicking. We just can't let these guys back together without them getting all stupid and uppity.

As I recall, Hitler was from Germany and he killed millions of people there just 60 years ago. Its not ancient history. People still remember it.

At any rate, I'm ready for the Big Red One to head back into Germany and return them to a state of quiet servitude. Berlin or Bust!

Being from the Chicago area, I would like to express my absolute disgust with these assholes. I love it when a couple of morons ruin it for everyone else. I can't wait until they have retaining walls and armed guards in the stadium. Take me out to the ballgame indeed.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Has the Whole World Gone Crazy?

Apparantly a "hippie" has committed murder. I thought hippies were all about smelling like dung and looking at all the pretty colors but they seem to also enjoy killing their girlfriends and moving to France (predictable that). If that weren't enough, Germany has surpassed France as the whiniest bitch country in the world.
I need to sit down. Does anyone have a brown paper bag?

I proudly link to IMAO in this post...
Comments Lost to the Ages

Not since the razing of the Library of Alexandria has so much been lost to humanity. But I suppose we'll cope.

Update: Apparantly the comments have come back. Disaster averted!
Koran Quote of the Week

I've decided to pick a gem from the Koran every week to demonstrate how "peaceful" and "loving" Islam is. I will be getting these quotes from this University of Michigan site. So, here is the first one.
[4.15] And as for those who are guilty of an indecency from among your women, call to witnesses against them four (witnesses) from among you; then if they bear witness confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them.
Wow. Sure does seem like the religion directly supports treating women like shit. Locking a women in your house until death for indecency?

Speaking of Twinkies...

This has to be one of my favorite websites ever. Who ever put this together had WAY too much time on their hands.

Thanks to Laurence Simon for commenting! You are #1!
Hippies Are Stupid

Apparantly hippies are retarded. Most of us already knew that but if you need further evidence, this story about them protesting horse diapers by wearing diapers may help.

God I hate hippies.
Torturing Journalists Found to Be Funny

Ralph Fiennes was quoted as saying:

"I couldn't believe they were laughing. I find that very spooky."

This was during a scene in his new movie, Red Dragon, "in which his character tortures a tabloid journalist."

I wonder if the Media is starting to get the idea that most average Americans don't really like them. Probably not.
Arafat's Compound Under Attack

Israeli forces have forcefully entered Arafat's Ramallah compound:
Palestinian officials said tanks rumbled into the compound outside Arafat's sandbagged offices in the West Bank city of Ramallah, which have already been badly damaged in earlier attacks in two years of Israeli-Palestinian violence.

"Tanks and jeeps are inside the compound and surrounding our office from all sides. There is fierce shooting. Two of our men have been injured but the president is fine," one of Arafat's bodyguards said by telephone from inside the building.

I really hope the Israelis finally arrest this sob and hold him accountable for the hundreds of murders he's responsible for. Perhaps then they could forge a real peace. Then again, maybe not.
Steven does it Beste

The Captain of the U.S.S. Clueless offers up a perfect explanation of who our enemies are and what needs to be done with them. All those Tranzis can kiss off if they disagree. Now is not the time for crippling Political Correctness. It is time to defend all that is good and pure in this world.

Namely twinkies.

Update: Mmmmmmm.... Twinkies....

It looks like the comments are working again for the time being. If you've got something to say, I'd love to hear it.
Korea Joins in on Capitulation!

In a press release Wednesday, Korea's leader Kim Jong II shouted, "Hey!! You can send inspectors here!!! We don't mind! Is anyone listening? America? Kofi?? KOFI!!!!!" Analysts postulate that Korea has "Axis of Evil" syndrome. This causes a nation to attempt to draw as much international attention to their "evil" programs as possible.

President Bush was interviewed on the subject and had this to say, "I would like to inform the great nation of Korea that you do not have to feel left out. We will commence bombing in 24 hours." He then asked his aid where Korea was.

"All we want is the same attention afforded to other nations in the Axis of Evil. Basically, all of us want to avoid being the Italy of the WWII axis. What a bunch of losers," said Kim.

"Hey!" responded Italy, "At least we aren't France."

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Umm... No Comment...

Apparantly Haloscan has been having some problems today so I'm not sure how long it will be until the comments come back. Hopefully soon.

France Urges Americans to Cease Use of Hyphenated Titles After Zany Capitulation Mixup

Jacques Chirac, president of France, urged Americans to cease using hyphenated titles after a mistaken identity caused France to surrender to Germany again.

"The use of titles like 'German-American' or 'Italian-American' are very confusing to us," the French president said, "How are we to keep track of all of this. Sacre Bleu!"

The mixup occured Tuesday afternoon when John Wolffe, an American citizen, took hostages in a botched bank robbery in Paris. While consulting with the American Embassy, the culprit was labelled a German-American. Confused, the French government immediately sent a notice of surrender to the German government.

"In Article II, Section III, Subparagraph 3 of our constitution it clearly states, 'This nation shall capitulate to Germany after any act of aggression no matter how small,' so there was little we could do," said Jumapel Chris, the French foreign minister. "We had no choice."

The Germans responded by laughing and poking fun at their cowardly neighbors after recieving the surrender notice. When asked to make a statement, German President responded by laughing convulsively until tears ran down his face. He constantly waved off the reporters, unable to say anything. After regaining his composure he said, "I address this to the French people. BOO!" and started laughing again.

Needless to say, the French did not find it so funny. "We strongly urge Americans and all other nations to use the word Germany sparingly. We would very much like to avoid any future mixups. Thank you," said Chirac to a room of howling jouranlists. He then ran from the press conference in tears.

President George W. Bush was asked about the incident in a recent press conference. "I'd like to extend my apologies to the French people and their leader Cheerwreck. I'm sorry that your country is so full of whiny crybabies and wussies. I'm sorry that we ever respected your opinion. Please shut up."

Shut up indeed.
Drop the Bomb

Don't mind if I do.

Ok, I just started this website and I had no intentions of attempting a fisking but this op-ed by Ted Rall demands a carefully considered response. So here we go…

I’m not sure if I agree that the use of nuclear weapons is warranted but I believe it is possible to persuade me. Carry on.

Why War Talk Is Cheap

Yes. Talk is cheap. Decisive action is what is needed. Decisive and excessive. I’m with you so far.

Why are so many Americans so willing to start a war against Iraq?

Because, like Destro, he is bent on World Domination™ but luckily G.I. Joe (read: America) is there.

It certainly isn't because Saddam Hussein presents any clear and present danger--or any danger at all. The best excuse Bush has come up with so far for blasting more Muslims into bits of protoplasm is what he calls a "growing danger posed by Iraq's efforts to develop or acquire weapons of mass destruction." Even if we take Bush at his word--which he asks us to do, refusing to share any evidence--the "danger" is hypothetical at best. Saddam Hussein hasn't attacked the U.S. or its allies in the 11 years since we pounded, partitioned and economically hobbled his country. But, Bush warns, Saddam might possess the Bomb someday. Perhaps he'll use it. Possibly against us. Perchance soon. Or not at all.

Yes. The danger is “hypothetical at best” and at worst catastrophic. Perhaps it is your way to put on your tie-dye shirt, smoke your dope and whip out your guitar for the purposes of entertaining all your hippie friends with you Anti-War songs. Perhaps you just like to hope for the best and forget about all the rest. The thing is that here in the really real world, we work for the best and plan for the worst. Its hard to make a piece sign in Central Park when all that’s left of New York is a mushroom cloud.

Sixty-three percent of American voters favor attacking Saddam, but that's because they assume that it will be a bombing war, not a ground invasion.

It appears to me that you are the one making the assumptions. According to this August 12th Poll, 57% Support a US invasion of Iraq WITH ground troops. It would appear that the American public understand a great deal more than you think. I’m sure this shatters your image of the American people as a vast, unwashed mass of peasants waiting and begging for the next enlightened command from the anointed Elite. Bullshit.

Support for an Iraq attack drops dramatically if deposing Saddam should require the deaths of thousands of American troops.

Yes. This same poll says that the support would be in the 40% range. I find this to be irrelevant. If doing something is right, we do it. America must stand up for its founding principals or collapse into the moral relativism of Europe and the UN.

Why, people ask, waste our soldiers if bombs will do the job?

They won’t.

Here he goes on to explain that due to modern information age warfare (see Steven Den Beste) our kill ratio in the last 2 wars is somewhere around 600-1. Not too shabby.

Whenever presidents want to flex American muscle, they bomb. This has been particularly true when leaders don't care to justify the use of military force to the public, as with Ronald Reagan's bombing of Libya and Bill Clinton's cruise missile attacks against Afghanistan and Sudan in 1998. Both strikes hit the wrong targets--the latter taking out a pharmaceutical plant, the former Colonel Khaddafi's young daughter--but a potential PR debacle was avoided by the fact that American lives were neither risked nor lost.

You buy that shit about a “pharmaceutical plant” in Sudan? What kind of pharmaceuticals do they make there? Bathtub meth? As for our new UN Human Rights leader, don’t get too comfy yet. The next one might get ya’.

This is precisely why bombs should be banned.

Woah there. I can’t wait to see how you explain this position.

Don't laugh--war can be made more civilized.

I am laughing and what the hell are you talking about? By all measure, war is more civilized. When is the last time you heard of civilian casualties even CLOSE to World War I, II, Korea, Afghanistan (the Russian version) or Vietnam? The war of this century is far less costly and more civilized than that of the previous one.

The horror of mustard-gas attacks in World War I led the international community to prohibit the use of chemical and biological weapons. Since then only a few countries have used them (including Iraq, when it was a U.S. ally).

The use of Chemical weapons is tantamount to cruel and unusual punishment. Why kill them slowly and painfully when an enormous explosion (read: Bomb) will accomplish the same. As for biological weapons, everyone agreed to that because they are unpredictable and indiscriminate and, more importantly, useless in a strategic sense.

Land mines were a standard tool of warfare until the 1990s. The Soviet army and U.S.-backed guerrillas scattered an estimated 5 to 10 million anti-personnel mines across Afghanistan, devices which continue to kill and maim today. That carnage, caused by relics of a war fought, won and lost years earlier, inspired the world to come together to ban anti-personnel mines once and for all. Sixty-four nations have ratified the 1999 International Treaty to Ban Landmines. Although the U.S. has refused to sign, it has nevertheless stopped placing mines in combat zones. International consensus is clear: civilized countries don't use mines.

There is a reason the U.S. refused to sign. This is because the U.S. can envision a time in the future when they would like to use land mines. Wars are not for fun nor are they about being fair. Wars accomplish a political goal and the militaries job is to accomplish this at any cost. Even land mines. Even civilian casualties. The only thing worse than fighting a war is losing a war.

Bombs have similar shortcomings: some fail to detonate upon impact. "Cluster bombs" dropped on Afghanistan by the U.S. will be killing hapless passersby for years to come, long after the fighting has ceased. But the real problem with bombs isn't the lives they take. It's the lives they save.

Now you are really losing me. How is he going to explain that saving lives is a bad thing.

As I waited out a U.S. bombing raid last November in northern Afghanistan, I realized that "Politically Incorrect" host Bill Maher had caught hell for telling the truth: only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away--or tens of thousands of feet up--to kill people who can't possibly fight back. This is especially true when superpowers like the U.S. use computer technology to fly beyond the range of Third World anti-aircraft batteries.

Anger rising. head … about …. to …. explode …. ok... calming…….
My response to this giant, steaming pile of idiotarian crap is simply, only idiots put their lives at risk when it is unnecessary. Only deranged governments put the lives of their soldiers at risk in exchange for some misguided attempt at fairness. A government’s job is to protect the interests, lives, and rights of its citizens in the way that least endangers the same. War is a tool of last resort, but when it becomes necessary, I would hope that our government makes all possible attempts at reducing OUR losses before even considering the losses of our enemy.

If the people of a nation feel a strong moral compulsion to attack another nation, if they truly believe in the righteousness of their cause, the least that they can do to demonstrate that resolve is to send their young men and women into harm's way to fight. Those who seek to take the lives of others ought to be willing to risk their own.

And I thought I was angry before. This is the chickenhawk argument taken to an extreme I wasn’t really prepared for. There is a HUGE difference between risking your life and purposefully endangering it. The young men and women you so gleefully would cast into harms way signed on knowing that just such a thing was possible. They also signed on because they had faith in the military to take every possible precaution to protect their fragile young lives. Again, war is POLITICAL. It attempts to accomplish a goal that diplomacy cannot. It is not supposed to be fair and it is not supposed to be pretty. War is a dirty business and the people in charge of the American military know that their job is to make it as painless for our side as possible. Only morally bankrupt groups like Palestine would ask their soldiers to die for their cause. Ours are asked to FIGHT.

Bombs are tools of error as well as terror. In a conventional ground war, non-combatants can often flee in order to escape battles. They can become refugees. They can take cover until the fighting moves on. Innocents die, but infinitely fewer than in the holocaust that is unleashed by a carpet-bombing. Satellite intelligence and precision guidance systems can deliver a bomb to its target, but only an experienced soldier on the ground can tell if that bomb is hitting a war council or a wedding party. Bombs hit gas lines, blowing up entire blocks. Bombs kill whoever happens to be walking by at the time. Bombs are sloppy, random, murderous. Bombs are used by cowards.

Bombs are used by the intelligent. Bombs are used by those that feel a moral obligation to protect the lives of their subordinates.

Ultimately, bombs make war too easy. Leaders are less likely to engage in military aggression if going to war will cost the lives of their own people. The risk of large-scale loss is a big political gamble. By their nature, bombs make "enemy" lives cheap and "your" lives expensive. We see this phenomenon as Americans discuss attacking Iraq; sure, we're willing to kill thousands of Iraqis, but only if we lose very few Americans in the process. It's all too cold and painless.

Ask the mothers of the soldiers lost in Afghanistan if that war was ‘easy’. Ask them if it was “cold and painless.” I’m sure you would say I should ask the Afghanis the same. I would assume they would say it was worth it. Freedom is worth lives, theirs and ours. Again you seem to be suggesting that there should be some attempt at fairness in war. There should not. Our military will kill as few people as it can to accomplish its goal. If they can minimize our losses they will. I guarantee that they will also be trying to minimize Iraqi losses. If we weren’t, we would “drop the bomb” as you so cleverly name this article

Of course nations should use every available tool to protect the safety of their military personnel when they send them into battle. But bombs, like land mines and mustard gas, shouldn't be counted among the available tools.

Perhaps, being that you believe so strongly, you should put your life at risk to stop their use. You said yourself that if people believe in something, they should be willing to give up their lives.

In closing, I would like to say that I count you among the tools and hope to see you dropped from an F-16 in the near future.
The Palestinian Authority "will be ready to encourage all Palestinians to stop targeting Israeli civilians."

Bravo to the Israelis for shooting this piece of crap down. ENCOURAGE? This statement is insulting. And only to stop targeting civilians. Beside that, knowing how the Palestinians define 'civilian', it would make no difference at all. How long is it going to take the world to realize that these Palestinians have no interest in ceasing the butchering of the innocent. It is a nation dominated by sociopaths and criminals and the only way to deal with people like that is to bring them to justice, DEAD OR ALIVE. This type of 'offer' only proves how far we have to go before we see any changes from the PLO. Good thing the IDF is so talented.
"Reasonable people understand this man is unreasonable."

Bush says that Hussein is "not going to fool anybody" with his promise to unconditionally allow weapons inspectors. Judging by the knee-jerk responses of Kofi Annan, France, Russia and others, it would seem that there are indeed a great number of "unreasonable" people in this world who want nothing more than to be fooled. I hope to God that their stupidity isn't proven by a mushroom cloud over Tel Aviv.

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Gun of the Week

The Colt .45 Pistol.

The main purpose of this gun seems to be capping perps. Therefore, always remember that if you see a perp and you are holding a Colt .45, cap him.
Rolling Along!

I finally have everything (for now) in place.
Head pressure going critical...

Why is it we can engineer glowing mice but we can't cure the common cold.

To all doctors of the land: I offer my first born child for a cure to the common cold!

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Apparantly Mike at Cold Fury has his dial stuck on sarcastic. Good for him.
Explosion of the Week!

A JDAM blowing shit up! Yeeeeeeeehaaa!!!!

via Boeing.

Frank J. at IMAO suggests we 'inspect' the crap out of Saddam and his boys. I for one agree with him!
The Iraqis say they have magically eliminated any cause for U.S. military action against them.

Apparantly someone told them that if they click their heels together three times and repeat, "We'll allow UN inspectors in after several months of talks that will go nowhere!" they will be whisked back to Kansas and the Wicked United States of the West will get a house dropped on them. Someone forgot to let them know that the Great and Powerful Secretary General of Oz is really a little, powerless man behind a curtain.

Since when is saying you are going to do something the same as doing it? It's as If I go into the dealership after I buy a car and say,"I promise to pay you! There is no need for further billing!"
Silly Iraqis!
As you can see, I've figured out the Links component and will(hopefully) soon be adding comments. Clearly this is being written for my amusement as noone has read the site.
Another test of the system. Hopefully the name will be different now.

Update:Just like magic!

This is the very beginning. After I figure out this crazy stuff I'll get something worthwhile on here.

Testing, testing... Sibilance... Sibilance.

Thank you.